Needing to Rest

I'm in the home stretch of this pregnancy and so much is telling me it's time to take care of myself, to focus on getting our baby and I ready for labor.  But life doesn't always want to coordinate.  Of course, I suppose some of that it has to do with learning to let go.

Brian and I have been running a small food business that he started a couple of years ago.  It's still pretty new and we've learned almost everything about it from on the job training!  It's sustained us for the last year though, so I guess it's been going well enough.  It is has constantly been evolving and I guess growing, which has been great, but with this huge transition in our life, I think we're both craving more predictability and a bigger sense of security.  Is that out there for us?

In an effort to make some extra money, and with hopes that it would give Brian a little breathing room so he could slow down and cozy up with us at home for a couple weeks after the birth, we decided to take on a sudden opportunity to vend at a few large festivals.  The expectation for bigger than usual financial outcomes coaxed us into taking the plunge on a pretty big expansion of the business.  We had to invest in material infrastructure and we had to figure out how to plan, staff and execute the largest events we've ever been a part of!  All this while I entered my third trimester and suddenly felt my body ask me to slow down!  Wow, what a challenge.  A great learning!  Filled with some serious accomplishments and some serious disappointments.

As the three festival challenge comes to an end, I'm left feeling exhausted and disappointed that we didn't find the financial relief we were looking for.  More than that, I feel the weight of it all on my partners shoulders and I feel sorry, a little lame and completely useless.  I know I have to just let go and focus on my most important job now which is the well being of the mommy vessel and the precious cargo inside, but Brian is my partner in many more ways than one and I find myself worried about how he's being supported.  I know we just have to trust and actually I do.  I trust things will continue to work out for us.  I trust that we're skilled enough, resourceful enough, and connected enough to adapt to our changing life.  I just want to share my faith with him, so that he doesn't have to carry all the worry, so that he can be present to the joyous miracle we are in the midst of.

I guess what I need to trust in, is Brian.  That he can manage his own feelings around all of these changes;  That he can find perspective in our tenuous business developments;  That he will reach out for the support he needs and that he can also receive the blessings that abound.