$1000 Cashiers Check "From Friends Who Love You"

I must admit it has taken me awhile to get onboard with the home birth process. Part due to my ignorance about the process and partially due to my fear that we couldn't afford it. When it became clear to me how important it was to Lenaya, I agreed despite my misgivings. As I began to learn more about the process of birth and the often disempowering way women are treated at the hospital my eyes opened to the possibility of a different birth experience in our own home. I realized that this was really one of my first real actions as a parent and it made me begin to think about how I want my daughter to come into this world. From what I've learned the most important factor in this process is that mother and baby feel safe and supported through this process. Despite this new understanding I still felt that our financial reality did not allow for this to be a real possibility. I felt full of fear about this financial burden and had little faith that we could make it happen. My amazing partner, Lenaya, was in a completely different space; she was full of faith and belief that we should not limit ourselves by what we can see. I was skeptical and dubious as she setup the blog, starting planning, a fundraiser and put the call our to our communities. I was still struggling with some shame and stories about how we would be seen as irresponsible parents not being able to take care of ourselves. Combined with a string of disappointments with the Magic Curry Kart and starting the dreadful process of job hunting, I found myself feeling a bit hopeless in the face of such an exciting and amazing process. I had lots of judgement towards myself and I think expected to be judged by others. To my bewilderment I have been met with unbelievable kindness, generosity and support from family, friends and complete strangers. This morning we received a $1000 cashiers check from our "fans" with a memo: "From Friends Who Love You". Despite trying to act like a tough guy from a small cowboy town in Northern Arizona this struck me to the core and I can't stop the hot tears from running down my face. I think I felt that we somehow didn't deserve help but I'm learning that the opposite is true, we all deserve and need help somewhere along the road. Thank you to all who have supported us through this process in so many ways. It feels so sweet how loved we are and how loved our baby girl will be.