At 40 weeks and 8 days pregnant I was feeling ready to do this labor thing already. Brian and I had been taking daily walks and eating spicy food in hopes to move things along. Not that we saw our "due" date as an appointment we were late for or anything, still, it plays mind games on you and you start to wonder if this thing will ever happen. I'd just met a woman who delivered at 3 weeks past due. I was not sure I was up for that. I even went to the community acupuncture clinic to help soften my cervix.
That evening I met with a photographer who had gotten wind of our situation and volunteered her services at our birth. She also offered to do some before shots if we wanted to. Well, since I really had to be giving birth any day now, so I might as well take advantage of another day without a contraction. We met her at Dolores Park at 4pm, just in time to get in a few shots before the sun went down. I was feeling pretty tired and rotten and the photo shoot felt a little bland to me, but I put a smile on and did the best I could. Just before ending our shoot we ran across a group ladies dressed like fairies selling "Magic Cookies", though they assured us the 'magic' was not any type of drug, aka safe for a pregnant woman. I bought a cookie from them, took some pictures with them, then as we were leaving and we told them I was past my due date it turned out that one of the magic fairies was a massage therapist that just returned from Polynesia (or somewhere) where she attended multiple births! She then proceeded to give me some pressure point therapy to help induce labor :). It was a wonderful San Francisco/Dolores Park adventure and then we were on our way.
Later that night I kept having moments that might be contractions, but I couldn't say for sure. I thought I felt a little crampy like menstrual or something. My low back hurt on and off. By the late evening I was pretty sure they were real contractions, but they were still mild enough and sporadic enough that I figured I should just try to get some sleep and expect to be in labor the next day! I was trying to track the contractions, but since I was in and out of sleep and I couldn't decide whether or not I was always feeling contractions or when they started it seemed pointless. Then around 2am I got a "real" contraction that woke me out of my sleep. Brian texted my doula, Tara, and she told us to keep trying to rest. Then at around 4am I woke to a painful contraction. This one scared me. Brian called Tara or Shiela (not sure which) and let them know that the last contraction really scared me and I was having a hard time calming down. They recommended that maybe I get in the shower to help relax and Tara said she was on her way over. The shower did help, but I have to say the reality of what I was about to go through finally hit and I was super nervous. Brian tried to keep me calm and pulled out the birth pool to get prepared.
Tara arrived around 6am and as soon as she got there I was able to exhale a sigh of relief. Just having someone who knew what they were doing and seeing let me relax and trust a little. Also, she had great suggestions as to how I might try easing into the contractions, which were strong and regular by then. I did the shower, the ball, leaning against the wall, leaning against Brian. It felt good to keep trying different positions. I was super sensitive and did not enjoy any light touch on me. I was having a lot of low back pain and Tara massaged me between contractions which helped a lot. Time and space was a big blur and my memories of things are not totally chronological, so take these accounts as my experience and not an accurate account of things. I had this lucid moment at one point and I thought, this could have been the time when I'm supposed to go to the hospital! The nervousness I was feeling and all the emotion was so intense, I could not have imagined going to the hospital at that point. All I wanted was privacy and reassurance. I don't think it would have even been possible to get me out the front door!
For a while I was laboring standing up in the entrance of our hallway leaning on Brian. The contractions were getting intense. I was starting to dread when the next one would start coming on. Sometimes they would cause my body to start bearing down and that freaked me out and was painful. At some point I felt as though I wanted to quit and my legs buckled a little and I was on the verge of breaking down when Tara said that it was OK if I cried. I thought, 'this must be transition,' which it was. But for some reason her saying that, and my knowing that we were getting into the serious stuff made me pull myself together and stay strong.
After that it gets a little fuzzy for me. At some point I ended up in the pool. The water got too cold and it made the contractions feel even worse. So eventually I got out of the pool and moved to the bedroom. I think I may have slept between contractions there. I don't remember the bedroom much, but Brian said that from his perspective that looked like the most difficult part. I remember that the main goal was to NOT bear down during contractions, which my body really wanted to do. I think Shiela arrived while I was still in bed. I felt another level of relief when she arrived and I knew that the "real" work was around the corner.
At some point things were getting too intense for me in the bed and I wanted to move back to the pool. Luckily they were able to get the water temp up and when I got in, it actually gave me a lot of relief. The pool is the part that I remember most clearly. I remember being surprised that I could sleep for the few moments between contractions! I remember noticing the construction workers outside my window (their building a house next door) and wondering what those guys must think is happening in here. I remember holding Brian's hand looking into his eyes and wanting to stay really present to what we were doing right then and there. I was birthing our baby!
As we got into the pushing part I started to imagine my baby girl inside of me. I tried to visualize where she was and what she was going through. I kept telling her in my thoughts that she was doing really well and that mommy was gonna bring her into this world as gently as she could. The pushing took a while. I think an hour and a half all together. Towards the end I really started to wonder if I would be able to make it, I was getting so tired. But at that point she was crowning and I'd realize that there was no turning back and there was no way that I wasn't gonna make it, so I just centered myself, took my time and felt the rise of every contraction come until it climaxed and then I would bare down as hard as I could and I used my entire body to PUSH along with the flow of the contractions. It was quite an amazing feeling. When her head was 1/2 way out I remember Shiela saying that I could feel her if I wanted to, meaning with my hands, but I wasn't about to let go of the pool handles I had been gripping and I could feel everything so acutely down there, all I said was, "I DO feel her!" When her head was entirely out I remember being really happy inside knowing she was only a couple pushes away! I could not wait to cross this finish line and get some relief already :). I remember thinking, 'come on baby girl, it's time to meet the world now,' then giving that final push and feeling her body slip out and then having this wave of relief and joy wash over me. Brian had gotten into the pool by that time and he had caught her. I had been laboring with my chest against the pool side, so I had to turn over and we had to manuver the baby and umbilical cord so that she could reach up to my chest. Somehow we managed to do that and there she was! Lying on my chest was this greyish perfect looking completely new to the world being, held by her father and our midwife and being covered in blankets and getting a little hat put on her. I cried for the relief of it all. I cried for the miracle. I cannot really put into words the altered state that moment was. It was so surreal.
The altered state lasted for quite some time. After a few bonding moments in the pool we needed to get us dry and warm and out of the pool, so we transitioned to the futon. I can't believe they were able to get me out of that pool, but they managed. On the futon they put her on my chest, I could feel the umbilical cord still pulsing, it was wild. Then they let her root and suck on my breast, which she did so beautifully. My mom arrived right around this time. Must have been quite the scene to walk into.
Brian cut the umbilical cord. Then they gave the baby to Brian and were cleaning me up and getting me ready to deliver the placenta. Nothing in the way of contractions or any signs of progress were happening in that regard, so Shiela suggested that I get Pitocin to help me expel it. I was dreading more contractions, but I totally trusted her opinion, so I said OK. It didn't seem to work that well, so she started to manually stimulate by pulling gently on the cord. This caused a little pressure inside, but was OK. Then they had me hanging off the futon over a bowl to catch the placenta, but it wouldn't come out. Apparently it had gotten caught on my fibroid and needed to be removed manually. Shiela explained that she was going to have to reach up inside of me and pull it out. Oh God I was not looking forward to this! But again, I had total faith in Shiela and I surrendered to the process completely. When she reached in and started pulling it out it was as intense as the labor all over again, but I somehow was able to release and if you can imagine relax into it and she was able to remove it relatively quickly. I hated that part of it, but it also didn't last long and I was super grateful for that.
After that I passed out. There was some effort trying to get me stable after losing so much blood, but never once did I feel scared. I totally felt supported and trusting through this whole event. The only thing I was focused on was not passing out again. I did my best (successfully) to stay conscious. They gave me lots of fluid and then broth and eventually my color returned and I stabilized.
I was reunited with my baby and our new family unit slept our first night together!
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